This picture reminds me of something. i dont know what. but something. and i kind of like it. strangeness.

on another note: i am like, so happy as of late. chillen in my hand knit sweater (compliments of mom) listening to weezer, drinking yop and thinking deeply about... tingz.
Now that i have realised i want to think deeply, i have put on some thomas newman.
lets see where this rant will take us, shall we ?
I'm sitting on the floor of my brother ( spencer) 's room. I am kind of lost in my own head right now and am having trouble writing down what is ,like... there.
its not really words or pictures like usual. its just a feeling. just happiness. just contentedness. I think its so funny how when i stare at him he gets all.. annoyed or whatever it is he gets. because in my head i'm thinking "how?". how did i end up with someone like him? He's perfect. And that kind of scares me. i'm only 17.. what kind of relationship can i have that .. lasts. y'know? like i really really like him. and i dont want anything to fuck it up. ever. when it does get fucked up.. and i'm guessing it will.. i'm probably going to die of heartbreak. and the thought of this alone hurts me. i don't quite know how to put everything into words.
I know i'll have him in my life.. for the rest of it. i dont know what role he will play. but he will be in it. even if its just a childhood friend. thinking about him having kids.. and having a family with someone else kind of kills me. but i try to think about it once and a while, so that when it does happen i won't fall over dead.
I just hope that when everything is said and done.. i'm not left with the pieces. Maybe i'd like to be the one to stop it. and not him. knowing he doesent want me is one thing. but seeing him in action, showing me that would kill me. and thats one thing i couldent handle.
and so, there is my resolution.
when he is done loving me, i have to be the one to end it.


if that made any sense at all.