Friday, May 21, 2010

Just a boy.






I bit my tongue in the awkward conversation.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I met you once and I'd fallen for your notions.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
Do you believe that there's treasures in the ocean
Did I say I'm just a boy?

One kiss from you and I'm drunk up on your potion.
That big old smile is all you wore.
Girl you make me want to feel,
Things I've never felt before.
Girl you make me want to feel,
Did I say I'm just a boy,
Did I say I'm just a boy,
You can hold me to that.

No lonely hands grab my suitcase full of nothing
I don't know why
I don't know why
You took me in gave me something to believe in
That big old smile is all you wore
Girl you make me want to feel
Things I never felt before
Girl you make me want to feel
Did I say I'm just a boy
Did I say I'm just a boy
You can hold me to that

Thursday, May 20, 2010

experience.

None.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

how does she do it?



fuck you. fuck all of you who were at the party last night. you guys fucking suck. i'm sorry. it just made me really pissed. everything. that entire situation. FUCKING GAY. thank you all for helping me ( not ). for showing you care (not) and for being real (not). but thats cool. shows what kind of friends you are. fucking dicks.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

i know i should be at school. stfu






ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY NEW DESKTOP BACKGROUND. REPPIN' DA HARDCORE-NESS. YEAH SHAWN. YEAH.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

grade 8 - now.





BONJOUR err' body. ( and by everyone i mean shawn.. and sometimes karina.. what a life i live)
okay so i'm sitting in my room ( REP ) and i sort of have cramps. but not really. but kind of. listening to flight of the conchords. which doesent really inspire me to be all deep or whatever. so i think some thomas newman might help this situation...

You know what's weird? remember way back (shawn) to when you and I would listen to Yiruma - the river flows in you. We would be like " it says so much... without actually saying anything". Thats JUST like this song ( thomas newman- road to perdition). it always makes me think and be all deep and realisation-y.
its really amazing that music like this exists. =)
BUT ANYWAYS. onto other tingz...
i'm just thinking about our entire friendship as a whole.. like, an overview. And Its so crazy how much we've been through. How long we've known eachother ( 4 years ). Does it really seem that long? like really?
( HOLY SHIT. YIRUMA. MIND. IS. BLOWN. )
Lets think back to grade 8... That year was really crazy. like REALLY crazy. i was homeschooled (lame) i had one friend (tonya) and didn't do much but hangout with her. seeing her after school was my everything. and during the day i'd fantasize about horses ( no joke. ) and living in the country on a farm. I'd go out on random adventures to the country with my mom and write tonya package pages. i legit didnt do ANY school work that year. i'm not complaining though.
grade 9....
Grade 9 was CRAZY. and when i look back on it, its my favourite year of highschool by far.nothing is taken too seriously ( the work, i mean) but your friends are like.. steel. and thats the only thing that really matters ( well, in my books). we had some jokes times, like adriana pissing infront of timothys. you know. those "fridays". times at scup (REP). our lame ass "interventions" that never REALLY did any good but made people feel like shit for a day. My comical ideas of what was cool ( AKA : emo bullshit) remember that red book i'd carry with me? that i'd write all that bullshit in? SO JOKES. i look at it now and i just laaaaughhh. i remember i was so into hartley (hahaha remember him? ) i thought he was like the sun and moon. and i remember when he hurt me i wasnt really shocked because i kind of expected it from him. but non the less it still hurt. and i still havent forgotten about it. i'd sit in my basement and listen to citizen cope- sideways. and be all sad. but looking back on that... i know how much i liked him. BUT STILL. i'm happy im over that. alot. all those times at kb's apartment were so fun and convenient, i really wish she didnt move!! lololol : IN THE LOOP CAFE. miss that place!
grade 10...
WELL. this was last year. and boyyyy did it suck. reminded me alot of grade 8 to be honest. except my house was under renovation. i didnt even have one best friend ( WAAIIT. I LIED. I HAD WAYNE... but i didnt NOT see him nuff ) and i was sorta kinda.. digging ben. BUT THATS ANOTHER STORY. i was living in that shitty apartment and my mom and I got in fights REALLY often. actually, i got in fights with both my parents alot. it always ended the same. my computer was taken away and i was PISSED. nearing the end of grade 10 i went to bethany hills. which was so great. and i dont mean great while i was there. i mean so great looking back on it. Mrs. Owl, Mr. wallace. all those jokes people that are just so stupid you have to laugh ( its just not funny then. because they were, like, controling your entire life). over the summer of grade 10 i had the most amazing time with my camp friends going down the bloodvein river and really seeing what was important in life ( uhm. necessities. and friends.) I'm so happy i had the people on my trip that i had. i wouldent change one of them. i love you guys. alot.
grade 11....
i guess this is still grade 10 for me eh? WOOT for re-doing a grade ( i lie, its no fun. dont do it)!! regardless, alot of shit has happened. YO WE MADE IT TO DOUBLE DIGITS 2010 BABY!! 2012 is soon.. dun dun dun. but onto things that are REAL : shawnyyy shawn shawn! i love you!! thank you for being such a great fwend. i know we had a rocky past ( uhhh... grade 10 ) but this has been so amazing and i really would not change it for anything. you are by far the best friend i have ever had and i really hope nothing changes. ever. we've had some good times, eh? like getting stuck in reids hole and falling all over the floor infront of spencer. hahahaha. vanessa's jam? WHAAATT. halloween? ahahahha. basically ALOT of good times that i cant even begin to explain. basically, thats the road that has led us to now. ( ps. now includes a boyfriend... HSDJFGSJFG WEIRD )


anyways i love you dawl....z yoooh

PS: WEIRD QUOTE I LIKED FROM SUPERNATURAL:

"In heaven I have 12 wings and 6 faces. One of which is a Lion."
- season 5

Monday, March 29, 2010





This picture reminds me of something. i dont know what. but something. and i kind of like it. strangeness.

on another note: i am like, so happy as of late. chillen in my hand knit sweater (compliments of mom) listening to weezer, drinking yop and thinking deeply about... tingz.
Now that i have realised i want to think deeply, i have put on some thomas newman.
lets see where this rant will take us, shall we ?
I'm sitting on the floor of my brother ( spencer) 's room. I am kind of lost in my own head right now and am having trouble writing down what is ,like... there.
its not really words or pictures like usual. its just a feeling. just happiness. just contentedness. I think its so funny how when i stare at him he gets all.. annoyed or whatever it is he gets. because in my head i'm thinking "how?". how did i end up with someone like him? He's perfect. And that kind of scares me. i'm only 17.. what kind of relationship can i have that .. lasts. y'know? like i really really like him. and i dont want anything to fuck it up. ever. when it does get fucked up.. and i'm guessing it will.. i'm probably going to die of heartbreak. and the thought of this alone hurts me. i don't quite know how to put everything into words.
I know i'll have him in my life.. for the rest of it. i dont know what role he will play. but he will be in it. even if its just a childhood friend. thinking about him having kids.. and having a family with someone else kind of kills me. but i try to think about it once and a while, so that when it does happen i won't fall over dead.
I just hope that when everything is said and done.. i'm not left with the pieces. Maybe i'd like to be the one to stop it. and not him. knowing he doesent want me is one thing. but seeing him in action, showing me that would kill me. and thats one thing i couldent handle.
and so, there is my resolution.
when he is done loving me, i have to be the one to end it.


if that made any sense at all.

Monday, March 22, 2010

EEK. or something?

I dont write on here really anymore. but i just thought i should put this up here ( incase karina is all.. reading and junk ) that i have a boyfriend. lolololololoololol. so jokes.

OOH and i bought two new nail polishes today. i am way to excited about that.

Now i Must frolick up to my room and cleany clean clean... and then i can do my nailz.
ghetto talks for a minute:

3y3 Mii$$ 3rr' b0dii3 iiN d@ K1ub N@M S@YIIN' ( idk what im saying i just wanted an excuse to be ghetto ) KAY BYE!! :)