editz

i know what i said about last post. but i'm just so hurt/sad that i really needed to get this out. and i dont think i am up to penning this one. this is the last night i'll be seeing him. for 3 months. he's downstairs seriously drunk lying on the couch. pretty sure he may vomit. he knew this was the last time we'd see eachother. why did he get so wasted?
i feel kind of hurt because of this. now tonight is either me looking after him, him sleeping next to me coma toast or him sleeping downstairs by himself.
great.
this is exactly what i want to remember when i miss him. NAAATTT.
i'm kind of pissed too though. if he was this drunk why bother coming here? it makes me feel terrible. i dont like seeing him this way. and i especially dont like it when its our last night together.
i'll tell you how it goes when i know.
im going to curl up by myself in my bed and close my eyes. maybe i'll fall asleep. just maybe. but i dont count on it.

An Idea

so many things have changed. and this is why i'm not quite sure what to do. will i continue to write on here ? will i put this site out of my mind & move on, only to re discover my written teenage angst on the internet, when im , like 30 or something ? or will i delete this entirely and loose everything i have ever written on here. good. bad. funny. sad. i don't know. for now i'll just leave it as it is. and if i have a time to breathe and think about it, i'll get back to you.
but if it helps, i did love to write on here. and i still do. its kind of relaxing. to just let your brain go to mush and your fingers start typing. but hey, this is 2010, i cant dither on here forever. and i certainly dont want to when it seems like i cant talk about everything. like right now. i'd like to go into detail about what it is i mean. but i cant. because i know what the consequences could be. so. in turn, i say, goodbye blogging world ( for now ). i hope that someday i can come back and write on here like a fool, like i have been for a while.
for some reason i feel like i may have some sort of angry situation i have to deal with, and i'll come crawling back. keyboard, glasses and anger in hand. ready to release everything onto this strange blogerong i call.... this.


lets just wait and see. shall we ?