Broken.

I want to write on here everything i am feeling. How used and hurt i feel. And how i have no one to talk to about anything. I want to. That's why i signed on here. to do just that. but because i have told people this blog exists, i cannot. because... then the people i am crying about will read this. And then they will know just how much they have hurt me. Just how much they mean to me. And how they are forcing me to make these decisions i don't want to.
This is what happens when you feel like you're cornered. like no one really cares about you. like everything is shitty. Normally i can handle how shitty my life is because i have key people i fall back on for support. but those people aren't there anymore and i feel lost. my mom can tell something is wrong. I sit on my bed and i stare at the wall sometimes. without even knowing i am doing it. sometimes i think about things. like the people i once loved. but as of late.. i just sit. My mind is blank. its like everything i have ever loved is gone and i am just a shell of the person i use to be.
i have nothing.

when i sit in silence and stare at the ground, its my way of screaming. Its my way of showing everyone that i am not okay. that something is wrong. that i need help.. because i don't know what to do. who can i even talk to? who can i even trust? who in my life actually cares about me?

FUCK IT.

yeah. so people have this URL. and yeah, they may read this and be offended. but fuck it. you fucking hurt me. so why the fuck should i care if this 'hurts' you? maybe it'll wake you up from whatever fucking dream state your in and make you realize i am HERE. I EXIST. so. if you don't want to read this, exit now. don't want to be offended? FUCK OFF. this blog is for ME. not for you to read. i have this so i can vent about whatever the fuck i want and if you are going to call me and be upset because ' i knew you'd read it' ? THEN DONT FUCKING READ IT.

Everyday i have felt like a bed warmer. someone who is just there to warm ben's bed before he goes to sleep. he doesn't seem like he cares for me. yeah. sure. he SAYS he does. but actions speak louder than words. all this shit i have been put through the past while has put me in a state of sleep walking. I am finally ready to sit down and write about everything thats happened to me. because, i am fucking tired of this game of sitting up waiting for ben to come home so that he can ignore me. FUCK ALL THIS SHIT. everyone wants to know whats wrong with me. well i'll tell you whats wrong.
for what feels like forever ben goes to work and then comes to my house to pass out.
but atleast we get SOME time to, oh, i don't know.. say hi before bed.
OH JOKES THOSE GOODTIMES ARE OVER.
you know what i deal with now?
Ben goes to work in the morning.. without saying goodbye usually. then comes here around 5 or 6 and hangs out with (usually) my brother. for about 15 minutes and then goes to his other job. he's there until 2 or 3 AM. i stay up waiting for him, thinking ' oh when he gets off we'll do something... like watch supernatural (likes he's promised me the past million years) before bed'. but i wait and wait until sleep is the only option. until my eyes close themselves and tell me they can't wait anymore. and when he gets back he either plays video games with my brother ( that he's just been working with for hours) or crawls into my bed and falls asleep. sometimes i make it and stay up until he is home. But it doesn't change anything. When i suggest going upstairs and being alone.. he says no. so he stays downstairs with whoever and plays video games. once he even went to a bar. so i go upstairs and go to bed. because i waited, i did my part. and he doesn't do fuck all. then, in the morning, without waking me up he leaves and goes back to work.
so. thats my relationship.
thats what i have wanted forever, ben. and this is what i get. i get ben. but not exactly the person i thought i loved.
oh but wait, the plot thickens.
so, to make up for the fact that he hasn't taken me on a date OR HUNG OUT WITH ME ALONE since he's been back. he promises that he'll take me anywhere i want on tuesday ( tuesday, being today). He just has to go to the army in the morning and he'll be back. so i decided we could either go to the science centre like i have wanted to for a while. or maybe if he's too tired from all that working he's been doing, we could make something to eat and watch supernatural alone in my room. oh, look at me. thinking about him. so. i wait and wait. and wait some more. I even went to bed at 8 last night so i could be up and ready for whatever whenever. at 2:00 pm i had a bath thinking maybe he just got tied up somewhere but he'll be here soon.
nope.
he doesn't show up until 6. and when i am upset about him seemingly not caring about anything.. somehow i get turned into the bad guy. "what'd you do this time ben?" " i never know". YEAH. FUCKING SHARE A JOKE AT MY EXPENSE. not like i feel like i am a piece of shit already or anything. So, he doesn't know does he? that he stood me up. that he makes me feel worthless. so i go ahead and tell him " today is tuesday ben."
oh cool, great. y'know. no 'sorry' or anything.
true.
Oh.. look what time it is. time for ben to go off to his other job. great. somehow i thought this was a joke. like he couldnt be THAT cruel. can't he see i am so fucking upset i am almost crying? i guess not.
because he leaves.
without saying goodbye.
without TRYING to give me a hug.
or anything.

as soon as the door closed i burst into tears and just sat there stareing at the ground. i am pretty upset so i call shawn up thinking she can give me some kind of comfort. but when she answers the phone she doesn't seem THAT worried or THAT genuine. at the end of our 4 minute conversation ( well i wouldnt call it a conversation, i'd say i was crying and she was saying " talk to him again" ) and, i wouldnt really call it 'the end'. i'd say we were just getting started. and shawn says " you know what? can i call you later? i am with sean right now..". not like i just told you i thought i have to break up with ben. WITH BEN. honestly. i guess she has no idea how much i meant that, how much i am hurting.. although i was balling my eyes out and hardly able to talk. all i have to say is : SO YOU DON'T PUT YOUR BOYFRIEND BEFORE OF YOUR FRIENDS DO YOU?
liar.

so i am out 2 people i loved, basically.
ben.. being the boyfriend i loved and thought the world of.
and shawn being the friend i thought i would have until death.
i feel like i can't trust either one of them anymore. Like neither one of them cares about me. Not like they use to.

I mean. sure. this story may not seem like such a big deal to the people who haven't been dealing with what i have. But if you knew everything that has gone on between me and shawn, me and ben, me and my fucked up family. maybe you'd understand. But i don't think anyone knows all that. because oh,look, i HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO.
If you put together all the sadness and heartbreak i have been through over the past little while.. perhaps you'd be able to understand exactly what i feel like right now.
Nothing is real. I am sleepwalking in a world that doesn't care about me.
i hope that one day.. i'll be able to find someone who can wake me up.

Ben?

[ Thats me talking to ben at schoooool. i am a huge tool bag, i know ]
SO. i am guessing you are reading this, Ben. So i just thought i should put a warning up here. I AM SORRY I WAS SO CREEPY AND WEIRD AND OBSESSIVE. i promise you i am not like that anymore. But as i sit here boiling water for some tea, I wish you were here to enjoy the tea with me. But i dont think that counts at all as being creepy. especially if you count what is written on this blog-of-embarassment.
Anyways. Enjoy. My thoughts. My embarassment. But i dont really care. because its not like i want to keep anything from you.
Ok. thats enough. I'll let you read on.
I LOVE YOU <3333333333
legit. real talks.

I FEEL LIKE IT'S SO LATE.

My brain hurts.

rethought.

oh... hey there blogerong. YES. i know. i said peace out to you before, said i wasnt going to write on you anymore. that i was frustrated and teenage angsty and well, a teenaged girl, basically. I have given up on not writing on here, as i was looking at it last night and realised how much i missed blabbering on here and it made me think FUCK IT, so here i am. back. smiles all round? It seems there is alot going on in my life at the moment. but at the same time it seems mundane and dead. does that make sense? no. things that are going on : at the moment? sitting in my kitchen with my dog, coby. listening to the menu music for 'skins' play over and over again. what's happening in the world? Northern's registration was today. Or, is today, rather. I have been wanting to go shopping for a really long time. I've already decided the kinds of things i would enjoy buying, such as this certain skirt from american apparel, a new pair of seeing eye glasses ( as i broke mine during rangers ), an old man sweater, a cute party top, etc etc. Then i really thought about it ( well, not quite. i literally JUST thought about it. and here we are.. already talking in the past tense ) i don't really like that i have been buying from these big companys such as american apparel, it seems so.. bleh. overpriced and just.. ergh. I want to go to kensington and walk around with the crack heads, smell the dirty fish air and be all.... well. i don't know./ i actually do that alot. (lolz).
whatever.
onto better things, well, i mean more important things..like: RANGERS. SO. GREAT. this summer i was a ranger and it was acrually such a great time. i mean in the moment it was hard, anoying and sometimes i felt like giving up and going home. but looking back it really taught me a lot. AND NOW I HAVE $$$$$ FOR CLOTHING AND GTZZZ.
okay. but i guess there is a REAL reason why i am writing on here... sort of. let's get to it. shall we?
Ben's leaving for afghanistan. WHAT IS THIS. when he told me i wasn't really suprised at all. I know he's been wanting to do it forever. he's talked about it for as long as i have known him (sorta). and sure, i don't want him to go. and it makes me worry with every inch of my body, but i never want to take something away from him. not that i even could. so i made it seem like i was okay with it. i am. derp. im confusing myself. i am going to end this now because im sick of trying to put words together that make sense... and try to explain how i feel about that, when all i feel is emotion and i don't know what words describe exactly what i am feeling.
well. it was nice typing to you again dear blogerong.
Must go attempt to find cell phone. most likely will be a fail.

editz

i know what i said about last post. but i'm just so hurt/sad that i really needed to get this out. and i dont think i am up to penning this one. this is the last night i'll be seeing him. for 3 months. he's downstairs seriously drunk lying on the couch. pretty sure he may vomit. he knew this was the last time we'd see eachother. why did he get so wasted?
i feel kind of hurt because of this. now tonight is either me looking after him, him sleeping next to me coma toast or him sleeping downstairs by himself.
great.
this is exactly what i want to remember when i miss him. NAAATTT.
i'm kind of pissed too though. if he was this drunk why bother coming here? it makes me feel terrible. i dont like seeing him this way. and i especially dont like it when its our last night together.
i'll tell you how it goes when i know.
im going to curl up by myself in my bed and close my eyes. maybe i'll fall asleep. just maybe. but i dont count on it.

An Idea

so many things have changed. and this is why i'm not quite sure what to do. will i continue to write on here ? will i put this site out of my mind & move on, only to re discover my written teenage angst on the internet, when im , like 30 or something ? or will i delete this entirely and loose everything i have ever written on here. good. bad. funny. sad. i don't know. for now i'll just leave it as it is. and if i have a time to breathe and think about it, i'll get back to you.
but if it helps, i did love to write on here. and i still do. its kind of relaxing. to just let your brain go to mush and your fingers start typing. but hey, this is 2010, i cant dither on here forever. and i certainly dont want to when it seems like i cant talk about everything. like right now. i'd like to go into detail about what it is i mean. but i cant. because i know what the consequences could be. so. in turn, i say, goodbye blogging world ( for now ). i hope that someday i can come back and write on here like a fool, like i have been for a while.
for some reason i feel like i may have some sort of angry situation i have to deal with, and i'll come crawling back. keyboard, glasses and anger in hand. ready to release everything onto this strange blogerong i call.... this.


lets just wait and see. shall we ?

re evaluation.

nothing could get in the way of my happiness ? HA. thats a joke. why did i think that was even legit? ( i'll have to re read that post ) but anyways. onto today.. BASICALLY. i am so upset right now. reid is being so mean to me. and i seriously dont know why. i know i havent done anything wrong. i just feel like maybe he is right. maybe its wrong for me to like his bestfriend.. maybe its weird i hang out with him more than he does. i still feel like he should be happy for us though. but maybe thats just me.
i'm sitting in my room alone, almost in tears. the fan is on full blast behind me, the sun is setting & angus and julia stone fills the silence. you'd think that would be pretty awesome. normally, it would be. BUT THIS IS SUM GAY SHIT RIGHT HURR.
(basically: ) yesterday i cleaned up the house for almost 2 hours.. and reid wouldent help me at all. he wouldnt even answer me when i talked to him. he doesent even say hi to me anymore. COMMON COURTESY. beside the point. but still.
then i had to go to meet my friends and spencer was like " hey, why dont you take over after kenz?" ( all reid was doing was sitting on the couch watching TV) and reid just, like, exploded. being like " i dont make the mess so i wont clean it!" and i'm like" you think i made all this mess? you think i am the only one who drops crumbs on the ground ? NO. its a common space, everyone should fucking help" and he was like. yeah. but no. and i was just so fed up. he was all " i cant help because im leaving" JOKES. he wasnt leaving. he only said that to get out of helping. HOW CHILDISH ARE YOU?! then today he made mac n cheese for everyone ( JOKES. NOT EVERYONE. he was suppose to make it for everyone. and there was nuff. but he decided to give everyone HUGE portions so i got none. thanks reid. then we all were going to clean the kitchen after eating. and he was like " oh. well i made the food (mess) therefore i shouldnt have to help clean it" i understand where he is coming from. but wiping down a table instead of sitting on your ass playing guitar IS NOT such a big sacrifice. it would make me feel bad for ACTUALLY wanting mom and dad to kick you out. but no. you have to be the generic asshole i have you pinned down for in my head. so i'm , like seething at this point. and my dad chimes in with " reid and i put 20 minutes in to cleaning up today" and i'm like I PUT TWO FUCKING HOURS IN YESTERDAY BUT THAT DIDNT EXCUSE ME FROM HELPING. FUCK YOU. then spencer, reid and whitey leave to go get beer and ben and i finnish cleaning the kitchen ( YOUR WELCOME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES) and i am so angry i am almost to the point of tears. just everything adding up. i really dont feel that i deserve being treated this way. he's been so mean to me all week and this is just me explaining on senario. but allow me to continue.
so they come back. and i go and sit in the living room and reid says " how was the diddle?" FUCK YOU. WE WERE BUSY CLEANING UP YOUR MACARONI MESS. WE WERENT DIDDLING. FUCK YOUUU. and then he's like " wheres mic mac? " and bens like "she ran away" and reids like " good. lets hope she stays gone." and bens like " your a dick" and reids like " I DONT GIVE A SHIT".
and then i went upstairs, pretty much crying to write you this.
TADA.

thingers.

almost victoria day! ( to be honest i dont even know when it is, i'm guessing monday. not quite sure )
I KNOW. I KNOW.
i should be upstairs in the "sauna" ( the third floor , it gets overly hot up there ) printing stuff off for bens thinger and the fashion book. but seeing as i only have one thing to print off for bens thing ( cuz i have yet to get the pictures from shawn) and the fashion thing can really be done at anytime, considering i dont have a due date. and it's really just something i want to do. not something that has to be done.
but here i am, sitting in my backyard in a seriously comphy lounge chair.
listening to angus & julia stone.
wearing a vintage outfit that reminds me a bit of a sailer.
so.great.

it's such nice weather out right now. the sky is a greyish blue and it seems like the perfect temp. maybe because inside it feels like africa. outside. is. perfect.

today i hung out with alyson at the eatons center. we went to the obvious places. H&m,forever21,urbanoutfitters, american eagle, aerie.
just before we left i bought an XL bubble tea from "freshly squeezed". so. not. freshly. squeezed.
if by that they mean "from powder". then yes. they are quite right.
i still have a quarter of it in my fridge.
on my walk home from the subway i tried to get to all the lychee jelly. ( impossible) i kept having to suck up all the juice ( which was making me feel sick) so i just ran over to some bushes outside an apartment and spat all the sickly-green-overly-sweet liquid out and kept all the DEEEE-LICIOUS lychee thingers.
( WHAT IS THIS?? I TOTALLY JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A MOSQUITO. SUMMER IS ON ITS WAY FOLKS! )

I'm really happy with my life right now. everything is just so great. i have everyone in my life that i want. and everyone who wants me in theirs has me ( well. mostly. but still.) i have great parents, and amazing boyfriend, okay brothers ( kidding. i love them. most of the time.) the best friends...
i just kind of feel like nothing can touch me. like.. nothing can stop my happiness. because.. i have everything i have ever wanted. minus the cam corder.... but i don't really mean things like that. i mean things that ACTUALLY matter. like people.
i feel like im closer to finding out who i am. and thats cool, i guess. i think i may just like the fact that i have no idea who i am.. and that i can still experiment with all sorts of different things to figure out what i like.
if i just knew who i was, i wouldent be much fun. atleast, in my opinion. if i was born knowing "hey. your going to be this. thats who you are." theres no struggle, which is really important in making a good person. plus, i've dabbled in so many things. acting,singing,modeling,ballet,designing,sewing,canoeing,cooking,etc. some things like that are good to know. good to have. so that when you meet people who are doing that. or "are" that. you can relate. atleast a little bit. y'know?

right now i'm waiting for ben to come over.. i think we'll make dinner, watch a movie and have a shower <--- last one was his idea. haha. i love waiting for him. its like waiting for something really amazing to happen. waiting for a really great party, that you know is going to be fucking awesome, and your so excited. but your chills. I love it.

ew. ew. ew. ew. i watched an episode of untold storys of the ER today. a woman had a june bug in her ear. WTFFFFF. disgusting.alot.

sometimes i forget what i'm writing about... and then this type of post happens.

anyways i think i'm done. i have ventured back inside & am now going to watch-eh-da-TV and sit in my exciting-happy-awesome-"benscomingover"-state and wait. yupp.

BYE !!!!

Just a boy.

I bit my tongue in the awkward conversation.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I met you once and I'd fallen for your notions.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
Do you believe that there's treasures in the ocean
Did I say I'm just a boy?

One kiss from you and I'm drunk up on your potion.
That big old smile is all you wore.
Girl you make me want to feel,
Things I've never felt before.
Girl you make me want to feel,
Did I say I'm just a boy,
Did I say I'm just a boy,
You can hold me to that.

No lonely hands grab my suitcase full of nothing
I don't know why
I don't know why
You took me in gave me something to believe in
That big old smile is all you wore
Girl you make me want to feel
Things I never felt before
Girl you make me want to feel
Did I say I'm just a boy
Did I say I'm just a boy
You can hold me to that

experience.

None.

how does she do it?

fuck you. fuck all of you who were at the party last night. you guys fucking suck. i'm sorry. it just made me really pissed. everything. that entire situation. FUCKING GAY. thank you all for helping me ( not ). for showing you care (not) and for being real (not). but thats cool. shows what kind of friends you are. fucking dicks.

i know i should be at school. stfu

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO MY NEW DESKTOP BACKGROUND. REPPIN' DA HARDCORE-NESS. YEAH SHAWN. YEAH.

grade 8 - now.

BONJOUR err' body. ( and by everyone i mean shawn.. and sometimes karina.. what a life i live)
okay so i'm sitting in my room ( REP ) and i sort of have cramps. but not really. but kind of. listening to flight of the conchords. which doesent really inspire me to be all deep or whatever. so i think some thomas newman might help this situation...

You know what's weird? remember way back (shawn) to when you and I would listen to Yiruma - the river flows in you. We would be like " it says so much... without actually saying anything". Thats JUST like this song ( thomas newman- road to perdition). it always makes me think and be all deep and realisation-y.
its really amazing that music like this exists. =)
BUT ANYWAYS. onto other tingz...
i'm just thinking about our entire friendship as a whole.. like, an overview. And Its so crazy how much we've been through. How long we've known eachother ( 4 years ). Does it really seem that long? like really?
( HOLY SHIT. YIRUMA. MIND. IS. BLOWN. )
Lets think back to grade 8... That year was really crazy. like REALLY crazy. i was homeschooled (lame) i had one friend (tonya) and didn't do much but hangout with her. seeing her after school was my everything. and during the day i'd fantasize about horses ( no joke. ) and living in the country on a farm. I'd go out on random adventures to the country with my mom and write tonya package pages. i legit didnt do ANY school work that year. i'm not complaining though.
grade 9....
Grade 9 was CRAZY. and when i look back on it, its my favourite year of highschool by far.nothing is taken too seriously ( the work, i mean) but your friends are like.. steel. and thats the only thing that really matters ( well, in my books). we had some jokes times, like adriana pissing infront of timothys. you know. those "fridays". times at scup (REP). our lame ass "interventions" that never REALLY did any good but made people feel like shit for a day. My comical ideas of what was cool ( AKA : emo bullshit) remember that red book i'd carry with me? that i'd write all that bullshit in? SO JOKES. i look at it now and i just laaaaughhh. i remember i was so into hartley (hahaha remember him? ) i thought he was like the sun and moon. and i remember when he hurt me i wasnt really shocked because i kind of expected it from him. but non the less it still hurt. and i still havent forgotten about it. i'd sit in my basement and listen to citizen cope- sideways. and be all sad. but looking back on that... i know how much i liked him. BUT STILL. i'm happy im over that. alot. all those times at kb's apartment were so fun and convenient, i really wish she didnt move!! lololol : IN THE LOOP CAFE. miss that place!
grade 10...
WELL. this was last year. and boyyyy did it suck. reminded me alot of grade 8 to be honest. except my house was under renovation. i didnt even have one best friend ( WAAIIT. I LIED. I HAD WAYNE... but i didnt NOT see him nuff ) and i was sorta kinda.. digging ben. BUT THATS ANOTHER STORY. i was living in that shitty apartment and my mom and I got in fights REALLY often. actually, i got in fights with both my parents alot. it always ended the same. my computer was taken away and i was PISSED. nearing the end of grade 10 i went to bethany hills. which was so great. and i dont mean great while i was there. i mean so great looking back on it. Mrs. Owl, Mr. wallace. all those jokes people that are just so stupid you have to laugh ( its just not funny then. because they were, like, controling your entire life). over the summer of grade 10 i had the most amazing time with my camp friends going down the bloodvein river and really seeing what was important in life ( uhm. necessities. and friends.) I'm so happy i had the people on my trip that i had. i wouldent change one of them. i love you guys. alot.
grade 11....
i guess this is still grade 10 for me eh? WOOT for re-doing a grade ( i lie, its no fun. dont do it)!! regardless, alot of shit has happened. YO WE MADE IT TO DOUBLE DIGITS 2010 BABY!! 2012 is soon.. dun dun dun. but onto things that are REAL : shawnyyy shawn shawn! i love you!! thank you for being such a great fwend. i know we had a rocky past ( uhhh... grade 10 ) but this has been so amazing and i really would not change it for anything. you are by far the best friend i have ever had and i really hope nothing changes. ever. we've had some good times, eh? like getting stuck in reids hole and falling all over the floor infront of spencer. hahahaha. vanessa's jam? WHAAATT. halloween? ahahahha. basically ALOT of good times that i cant even begin to explain. basically, thats the road that has led us to now. ( ps. now includes a boyfriend... HSDJFGSJFG WEIRD )


anyways i love you dawl....z yoooh

PS: WEIRD QUOTE I LIKED FROM SUPERNATURAL:

"In heaven I have 12 wings and 6 faces. One of which is a Lion."
- season 5

This picture reminds me of something. i dont know what. but something. and i kind of like it. strangeness.

on another note: i am like, so happy as of late. chillen in my hand knit sweater (compliments of mom) listening to weezer, drinking yop and thinking deeply about... tingz.
Now that i have realised i want to think deeply, i have put on some thomas newman.
lets see where this rant will take us, shall we ?
I'm sitting on the floor of my brother ( spencer) 's room. I am kind of lost in my own head right now and am having trouble writing down what is ,like... there.
its not really words or pictures like usual. its just a feeling. just happiness. just contentedness. I think its so funny how when i stare at him he gets all.. annoyed or whatever it is he gets. because in my head i'm thinking "how?". how did i end up with someone like him? He's perfect. And that kind of scares me. i'm only 17.. what kind of relationship can i have that .. lasts. y'know? like i really really like him. and i dont want anything to fuck it up. ever. when it does get fucked up.. and i'm guessing it will.. i'm probably going to die of heartbreak. and the thought of this alone hurts me. i don't quite know how to put everything into words.
I know i'll have him in my life.. for the rest of it. i dont know what role he will play. but he will be in it. even if its just a childhood friend. thinking about him having kids.. and having a family with someone else kind of kills me. but i try to think about it once and a while, so that when it does happen i won't fall over dead.
I just hope that when everything is said and done.. i'm not left with the pieces. Maybe i'd like to be the one to stop it. and not him. knowing he doesent want me is one thing. but seeing him in action, showing me that would kill me. and thats one thing i couldent handle.
and so, there is my resolution.
when he is done loving me, i have to be the one to end it.


if that made any sense at all.

EEK. or something?

I dont write on here really anymore. but i just thought i should put this up here ( incase karina is all.. reading and junk ) that i have a boyfriend. lolololololoololol. so jokes.

OOH and i bought two new nail polishes today. i am way to excited about that.

Now i Must frolick up to my room and cleany clean clean... and then i can do my nailz.
ghetto talks for a minute:

3y3 Mii$$ 3rr' b0dii3 iiN d@ K1ub N@M S@YIIN' ( idk what im saying i just wanted an excuse to be ghetto ) KAY BYE!! :)

tingz.

ew so i want to make this legit but i cant cuz reid and i are going to kensington now...
but heres a fun fact: i totally just put mint lip balm in my eye. have you ever done that? IT HURTS LIKE A FUCKING BITCH.
fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml.

on another note: my birthday is coming up ! yay!!

aahaha

Your welcome for posting this. I hope you enjoy this and maybe PACKAGE it. amiright?

Love You. <3

PS: cottage this weekend was so good!! =) im happy you came up with me.

the wall.

COLLAGE WALL IS IN MOTION!!

excitement =)

my so-called life.

"why are you like this?"

"like what?"

"like how you are"

Quote.

" What i like, dread is when people who know you in completely different ways end up in the same area. You have to develope this,like, combination you on the spot."

- Angela

My So-Called Life.

my so-called life.

" Huge events happen on this Earth everyday. Earthquakes,hurricanes, even glaciers move.so why coulden't he just look at me?"

-Angela.